If you want to know whether someone can change for the better, observe whether they shift blame or accept accountability.
Do not help those who can help themselves.
Men need to stop empathizing.
Its a mans duty to provide and help others. But how he goes about it can deliver positive impact or inflict further damage.
To alleviate suffering means to feel emotional concern.
But ‘help’ that derives from emotions rarely substantiates as value.
You see someone in need of help. You;
1. Sympathize – convey concern for them.
2. Empathize – put yourself in their position to feel their concern.
3. Become compassionate – Prompted to take action & alleviate their concern.
Men must act on 3, but withhold expressing 1 & 2.
Your feelings towards someone is manipulated depending on their behavioral response to you; you will tend to sympathize/empathize more with someone who is polite or tearful.
This is primarily why women cry. Conditions shift in their favor when they invoke empathy in men.
If you see someone portraying the symptoms of suffering through crying, sadness, or being hurt;
Find out why before you react. Then find out if it was self-inflicted. Because most of the time it is.
If its not, help them where you can.
If it is.. then there’s a cost.
The cost of helping someone who self-inflicts their own misery, is the risk of wasting effort & resources when they take you for granted & do it all over again.
If you don’t gauge their propensity for self-damage, you will be dragged down into their own hell they’ve created.
To determine whether someone makes their own life hell, assess whether they consume more than they produce.
If they provide no value & are immersed in consumption, they deserve no help. Character matters.
Then assess whether they hold themselves accountable through behavioral change.
Whether someone is able to change or not, depends if they shift blame or accept fault.
If they shift blame, do not argue or try to convince them. They revoke their right to receive any kind of help. Indiscriminately helping someone is why ‘bad things happen to good people’.
They MUST accept fault, then seek to rectify it.
Helping someone with the majority of the aid coming from you RARELY leads to a positive outcome.
It almost always gets taken for granted & later breeds resentment. If you want to help someone, help them carry their own burden.
Forcing them to rectify their own self-inflicted misery keeps them honest; because if they want to change, they must act & rectify their own short-comings.
They don’t get to drag you down to their level. They merely have the privilege of your guidance to better themselves.
You have two choices.
Let your sentimental emotions help someone, then get manipulated & burnt by them.
Or reserve compassion to those willing to earn it by holding themselves accountable, seeking ways to rectify their own problems with or without you.
Very few deserve help.