I had a friend back in college who I was really close with. We had strong trust between us but were also opponents of one another, constantly pushing ourselves to do better. If I had to pick a friend to trust and contest with, it would be him. Two years after our graduation, we caught up for a drink. I told him how I managed to land a high end management position while studying my MBA and working on a start up. And he was telling me how he found the woman of his dreams and fell in love. I was really happy for him. I presumed the love of his life will propel him to achieve what he wants. He was very competitive and conscientious person who was studying law at the time.
Fast forward two years, I was wrong. He didn’t finish his degree, he spent everyday with his girlfriend who he ended up marrying, watching TV series, going out and travelling. Take one.
Every time I travelled overseas, I would meet up with my cousin. He was around my age, very bright who studied engineering while running a profitable online business. Long story short, after meeting his love, he ended up flopping his online business and barely scraping through his degree. All because he gave away the majority of his time & attention to this girl he loved. And he enjoyed doing it. It was almost as if he was blind to the fact of how complacent he was becoming.
Before reading further, take a look at this THREAD I wrote a while back, which I will be publishing a full length version as an article for my members. Take note of the last tweet on the thread. It’s the piece I will be elaborating on.
Love Makes You Stupid
I mean this literally. Love overwhelms you with positive AND negative emotions. You will feel motivated to do things with no risk assessment, operating high on the “happy state”. Needless to say, your uncharacteristic behavior expressed at the fear (negative emotions) of losing her shatters your attraction, entirely losing the substance of what made her fall in love with you in the first place. Heightened positive and negative emotions directly disrupt critical thinking. It entirely distorts rationality and your choices will be accommodated by urges driven by the love you have for a woman. Choices made through emotional urges lead to regret at best, and catastrophes at worst.
In my observation, the most lethal blow that love brings on to men, is that they are unaware of their irrationality. They are completely blind to the poor choices they are making and will justify anything to a fault. Trying to talk sense into them is like disciplining a 8 year old insubordinate child who doesn’t speak your language. Only once it’s too late, they wake up from their enchanted slumber to realize the decades they have wasted through all the choices they made in the name of love. Not the least of which, the resentment that brews underneath, when the ‘love’ in all probable cases, ends.
Love Makes You Inefficient
Nothing destroys your effectiveness as a man, more than the love of a woman. You are encountering a creature of beauty that ignites your lust, followed by rounds of positive and negative emotions hellbent on clouding your judgement and derailing your capacity to operate at maximum efficiency. From an apex value perspective, the need for love is nothing short of suicide. Read my article: High Value: The Philosophy of Becoming High Value – Unmodern Men if you haven’t already. Men should operate in a hierarchical manner. That means they should have an aim they want to attain at the cost of anything else. This constitutes setting themselves up on a path of least resistance to attain such aim. Falling in love doesn’t just apply resistance to this pathway. It completely reroutes you towards a quality-eroding, self-destructive one.
Your Love Ruins Your Attraction
This is something most men don’t understand, but your lack of ability to feel ‘love’ is what maintains her attraction & obsession over you. And she will never admit this. Because it doesn’t make any sense. But women don’t make any sense either – and two negatives here do make a positive. Women will be drawn to you as long as you can arouse mixed emotions in them. Do this on a long enough timeframe, they will become obsessed with you.
Expressing your love does nothing but release a full blast of positive emotions. It’s exactly what turns women off. This is why in a primal biological sense, they love bad boys. No matter how you do the math, behaving when you’re in love will always evoke positive emotions.
-The anxiety you get at the prospect of losing her (negative emotions), will make you do things that will seek her validation – i.e. positive emotions.
-The thrill you feel when you’re with her, will make you behave in ways that will suffocate her – i.e. positive emotions.
Few men understand the importance of mixed (positive and negative) emotions and how love distorts their behaviour from effectively arousing them simultaneously. In the long run, it does nothing but erode men’s character.
Lack of Love Does Not Equal Lack of Commitment
My critique of love stems from the fact that it makes men inefficient by deviating them from attaining their apex value and turning them rationally blind. It is not an excuse to liberate them to embrace a harem or engage in multiple relationships that put ‘women on rotation’. If a man cannot commit, then he is no man. Because commitment means to sacrifice, and if you cannot sacrifice, then that means you want everything at the behest of your urges. Love does not equal commitment. You can still commit without needing to feel love.
This viewpoint is probably extreme to some of my readers. But I have yet to observe the benefits love has with regards to a man trying to attain his purpose. Time and time again it proves otherwise. And it’s certainly the case that determined men who are single are exceptionally competent at what they do, easing their way into dominance hierarchies. Which a probable conclusion would suggest that having a partner is nothing but a burden, but a burden worth bearing nonetheless.
I do believe a man remains to be incomplete without a partner, and a family. But I also believe trying to seek a partner emotionally through love in the name of meaning is detrimental for men. Some things suffice it to say, are not made us. If the cost of achieving my purpose is to forgo finding meaning through love, then that is a cost I am willing to pay. And it’s a cost my partner is expected to understand.
A disclaimer here that I have a girlfriend who I admire and who I am strongly devoted to.