You have probably heard of “Have an outcome independent mindset”. The message it portrays is, ‘be indifferent to the results handed to you’. This is a bad message for men. There’s only 3 scenarios where outcome independence becomes ideal.
In all other cases, you should be outcome orientated, fixed on the results you are trying to achieve.
In negotiations, the purpose obviously is to maximize the result of an agreement in your favor. But you want to approach the table prepared to an extent that if your request for option A is rejected, you can threaten with option B and not lose out. If you find yourself in the boss’ office asking for a raise, you should have another job lined up in case the answer is ‘no’. This is an example of an ‘outcome independent mindset’.
You can only negotiate if you set yourself up with ideal alternatives. In other words, remain outcome independent. When you’re not in such position to negotiate, then postpone your request. If you are forced to negotiate without being prepared with alternatives, be more disagreeable than agreeable.
The fact is that ‘outcome independence’ destroys the emotions of fear & hope; two powerful motivators that help you seek desirable outcomes. For example, if we lacked fear, it would mean we would be comfortable in contempt. We wouldn’t be afraid of not maintaining our finances or basic needs of living. And the lack of motivation to keep misery away would cease to exist. So fear keeps us aligned towards what we should be running away from. And hope gives us reason to move forward; what you’re trying to achieve might in fact be a possibility.
If you apply outcome independence to everything, you will lose your orientation in life and results will cease to matter.
A case in gambling. People should not gamble. I discourage it entirely. A night out with your friends playing poker is an exception. But going to the casino is a different ball game. Those who are allowed to gamble are those who are outcome independent. They shouldn’t fear losing their money, nor hope to win big. Because if they fear losing the money, that means they are in a poor financial condition to be gambling. And if they hope to win big, that means they are either unfulfilled financially, and therefore shouldn’t be gambling, or they are relying on lottery to achieve an end.
Outcome independence is very useful with women. You shouldn’t fear the result with a woman, nor should you hope for a result with them. Women unconsciously detect how needy a man is by concluding the intentions behind their behavior and actions. So men in turn, should behave & act in a way that manifests their intentions to be outcome independent. They should not care whether they will end up with a particular woman or not. And it is precisely this attitude that makes women want to be with them. Every time you decide to want to be with a woman, you will be emotionally invested with the fear of not losing her and the hope of making her yours. Both emotions will express themselves on the surface, and women will detect it and be repulsed by it.
Ultimately, the person least affected by emotions, is a person who is the most outcome independent. Not always a good thing. But important to understand.
Outcome independence is done right, when you pursue what you want, but at the same time not need it. You don’t let the fact of not needing it, make you complacent in pursuing it. But you also don’t allow the pursuit of what you want, extend itself to a desire of needing it. Read this ARTICLE for more information with regards to this topic.